Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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