I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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