isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
