Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
