First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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