Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
