im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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