Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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