Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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