Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
