So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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