i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
