I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
