Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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