My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
