maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
