TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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