are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
