turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
