I puked a lego.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
