Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
