She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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