Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
