do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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