I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
