I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
