Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
