His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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