My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
