My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
