Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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