problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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