Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
