My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
