The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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