i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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