Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
