can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
