she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's always time for handjobs
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
