went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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