My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
