fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
