I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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