I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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