When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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