I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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