Me. At least after what I've been through.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
