My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
