I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
