You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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