I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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