we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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